13 BDSM Sex Toys for Beginners That Let You Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship
For many people, there’s nothing more thrilling than a little rough play (consensually, of course). Whether you’re into dominance, submission, or some kind of bondage play, BDSM aficionados need a little extra oomph outside of vanilla sex to get them going. And even if vanilla is your favorite flavor, you may be curious about exploring the pleasure (and pain) offered by BDSM.
Now, for those of you asking, “What is BDSM?” It’s simply another sexual interest and isn’t in any way unhealthy, although many of us have been conditioned to see it as wrong. Due to the taboo way that society views BDSM, it can be tough for many people to educate themselves and learn the ins and outs of this power play kink. The acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism and Masochism. While sadists, aka doms, get enjoyment from delivering pain, masochists, aka subs, get their pleasure from receiving pain. When one meets another, it’s a match made in heaven. BDSM has been around for centuries, referenced in texts like the Kama Sutra and Marquis de Sade works.
Of course, there’s a spectrum from lighter activities to more extreme ones, which should be approached with care. Sex expert Angie Rowntree, founder and director of award-winning ethical porn site sssh.com, shares with SPY, “Blindfolding a partner with a scarf, or tying their hands together — that is kink. Tickling them with a feather is kink, but so are the more elaborate forms like rope bondage, suspension, flogging, etc, which should never be attempted without proper training.”
Below, we’ll share some helpful information for beginners and couples who are interested in submission, domination and BDSM sex toys. Education and consent are always important when embarking upon a new sexual journey, but especially so with BDSM.
The Best Places To Buy BDSM Sex Toys Online
We’ve shared a selection of the best BDSM sex toys for beginners below (experienced players likely already know where to shop), and we pulled our selection from a variety of different brands and online sex toy retailers. There are tons of places to buy sex toys online, but according to the kinky folks we consulted, here are a few of the top destinations for BDSM gear in particular:
- Best for Beginners – Lovehoney: Lovehoney is our favorite place to buy sex toys online, and they have a huge section of kinky BDSM toys and bondage tools. Lovehoney has great customer service, discrete shipping and affordable prices.
- Best for BDSM Furniture – Liberator: Liberator makes some of the finest sex furniture in the world, and the company also has a line of restraints and bondage gear.
- Best for Custom Gear – Etsy: Members of the BDSM community are often independent-minded folks who would prefer to wear a one-of-a-kind harness than something anyone can buy on Amazon. Etsy is actually a great place to go for custom fetish collars, leather restraints and other kinky items.
- Best Sex-Positive Fun – Babeland: We love Babeland, a feminist, sex-positive sex shop with physical locations and an online store. Babeland has tons of educational resources for BDSM beginners, as well as a huge selection of toys for folks of all orientations and body types.
- Best Small Business – Unbound Babes: We love this modern, kinky online sex toy shop, which has a forward-looking ethos and high-quality toys for sexual exploration.
We’ve curated a range of BDSM sex toys suitable for all experience levels, including the century-old classics that never fail at straddling the line between pleasure and pain. Explore your erotic fantasies with our crowd-pleasing picks below.
The Best BDSM Toys for Beginners
1. Lovehoney BDSM Bondage Kit
This affordable BDSM kit from Lovehoney is the perfect option for beginners ready for a kinky adventure. The 4-piece Bondage Boutique set comes with bed restraints, hand and leg cuffs, a blindfold and gag, and a flogger. Because it’s so affordable, you can easily add a few more goodies to your shopping cart for even more fun.
Buy: Lovehoney BDSM Bondage Kit $52.49 (orig. $74.99) 30% OFF
2. Unbound Babes BDSM Basics Set
RUNNER UP
For a versatile kit that looks as good as it feels, check out this BDSM Basics kit from Unbound Babes, which also makes a great gift. Included is their most popular adjustable wrist restraint set dubbed Orion, which comes with a strap that can be used for over-the-door action. It can also be used on ankles. You also get a roll of attractive, PCV bondage tape that only sticks to itself, so skin and hair are safe from damage. It restrains effectively but is easy to remove, making it perfect for all levels
Buy: Unbound Babes BDSM Basics Set $42.00 (orig. $52.00) 19% OFF
3. NS Novelties Bondage Couture Flogger
BEST FLOGGER
If you’re looking to explore impact play with a partner, consider this stylish blue vegan flogger, which can produce anything from a gliding tickle to a strong sting. If you’re looking to experiment with different levels of pain, consider this flogger, which has a length that allows the user to practice aim and target. As one user puts it, “Not so modest that it’s wimpy or embarrassing, but not at all so flashy as to be intimidating. Easy to wield, and provides a variety of stingy to thuddy effects.”
Buy: NS Novelties Bondage Couture Flogger $39.00
4. Lovehoney Colorplay Color-Changing Silicone Nipple Suckers
BEST FOR NIPPLE PLAY
An alternative to cold metal nipple clamps, these silicone nipple suckers are the ultimate sensation play add-on to foreplay or intercourse. They’re as soft as velvet, and change color as your playtime gets hotter, leaving nipples extra sensitive, plump, and erect. Just be sure to line the rim of the sucker with water-based lube for the best suction. It’s perfect for anyone who finds their nipples to be a serious erogenous zone and likes to get them sucked or stimulated. After applying, hold in place for added pressure, squeezing and releasing without lifting the sucker.
Buy: Lovehoney Colorplay Color-Changing Silicone Nipple Suckers $16.00
5. Premium Bed Restraint System
BEST BED RESTRAINTS
When shopping for the best BDSM sex toys, under-the-bed restraints are a common recommendation. These bondage toys are often included in BDSM kits for beginners, but if you’re looking for a more sophisticated option, then try these premium restraints, available at Babeland.
Buy: Premium Under Bed Restraint System $104.00
6. Quickie Cuffs Silicone Restraints
BEST ALL PURPOSE CUFFS
Although they make a perfect intro to cuffs for beginners, these comfy, buckle-free Quickie handcuffs made from silicone are sturdy as can be, with a velvety finish. They’re a hypoallergenic alternative to anyone who gets skin reactions from metal or other materials, as well as a waterproof option that will never get rusty. A noiseless choice that’s and also an airport-safe travel accessory, making your journey through security as discreet as possible. Unlike clip-based ones, you can put these through the wringer multiple times, and they’ll always survive, letting you stay in position for longer.
READ MORE: The Best Sex Toys of 2022
Buy: Quickie Cuffs Silicone Restraints $12.99
7. Bondage Boutique Soft Bondage Rope 10 Meter
BEST FOR ROPE PLAY
Shibari is the art of rope bondage, and it originates from Japan. There are many ways to enjoy rope bondage, although it typically enjoys tightly binding a partner somehow. With time, rope bondage aficionados can learn different ways to tie their partner. The person being tied up will love the loss of control, while the one doing the tying will adore dominating. This extra long rope can create full-body restraints and is made of thick, soft cotton to avoid chafing or rope burn. Here’s a thicker option if this one still seems too thin. You can also check out online rope play courses here.
Buy: Bondage Boutique Soft Bondage Rope 10 Meter $9.09
8. Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag
BEST BALL GAG
Whether you love gagging or being gagged or are looking to reduce the noise you make during sex, this stretchy silicone option is your best bet. Complete with faux leather straps, this ball gag is much more comfortable than hard plastic alternatives and can prevent individuals from straining their jaw or experiencing breathing problems. Explore muffled restraint play and silence your sub with this toy, but be aware that it might not be the best for extra small mouths.
Buy: Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag $19.99
9. Bondage Boutique Extreme Expandable Spreader Bar with Leather Cuffs
BEST SPREADER BAR
Spreader bars are a unique form of bondage play that takes restraint to a new level. Keeping legs or wrists restrained and separated, each of these leather cuffs (complete with padlocks and multiple spare keys) are lined with faux fur for maximum comfort. You can gradually increase the length of the solid metal spreader bar based on your flexibility, and the ankle cuffs can even rotate, allowing for a bit of movement without releasing. Stay comfortable yet restricted with this BDSM essential which can be used for anything from flogging to new penetration angles.
Buy: Bondage Boutique Extreme Expandable Spreader Bar with Leather Cuffs $84.99
10. NS Novelties Bondage Couture Blindfold
BEST BLINDFOLD
While blindfolds are some of the most readily available kink accessories, there are way too many low-quality, flimsy options on the market. This luxury alternative, suitable for all genders, doesn’t slip unlike cheaper versions and is completely adjustable for all head sizes with its buckle strap. It has a sleek look for a fair price, providing sensory deprivation while making the wearer feel as sexy as possible. An eye-catching submission device made from superior materials.
Buy: NS Novelties Bondage Couture Blindfold $24.00
11. Sportsheets Saffron Leash & Collar
BEST FOR SLAVE AND MASTER PLAY
Looking to spice up your master and slave roleplay? Integrate wearing this padded collar and leash set in your intimate time. This 55-inch chain leash comes complete with a faux leather handle, and the collar features a ring on the back that allows for connection to other ropes and leashes. Command your sub during playtime, or just around the house, if this roleplay extends to different aspects of your lifestyle. Users love how comfy the non-chafing collar is, while others found the weight of the chain to be “surprisingly great.”
Buy: Sportsheets Saffron Leash & Collar $39.00
12. Classic O-Ring Leather BDSM Collar
CUSTOM MADE
You might not realize it, but Etsy is actually one of the best places to buy BDSM toys online, especially if you’re looking for fetish collars. In addition to collars and chokers for kinky fun, you can also find a ton of leather restraints and harnesses. We’ve included one such option below, which comes from an Etsy seller called Daddy’s Leather Shop, so you know it means business.
Buy: Classic O-ring Leather BDSM Collar $38.00
13. Liberator Wedge & Cuffs Set
BEST BDSM FURNITURE
Liberator is the most popular sex toy furniture brand, and we’ve featured the company’s products in a ton of our sex toy shopping guides. The classic Liberator Wedge gets an upgrade here with an additional restraint system, which can pin you or your partner’s hands or feet into all sorts of naughty positions. You can also use the ramp to experiment with new positions that let you explore new sexual depths.
Buy: Liberator Wedge & Cuffs Set $129.99
Busting BDSM Stigma
Due to the stigma surrounding BDSM, this kink has been misconstrued by the media, especially in films like 50 Shades of Gray which infer that bondage is a result of abuse or being “damaged.” Instead, true BDSM is all about creating a safe space and establishing rules. Rowntree adds, “ALWAYS have a safeword ready to stop play immediately if need be — pick something unique that you would not usually use, like ‘pineapple’ or ‘swordfish.’ You can also establish a non-verbal cue.”
Consent, communication, and boundaries are the pillars of BDSM that ensure all parties have a pleasurable experience. Investing in high-quality BDSM gear is equally important.
Here are some criteria to pay attention to when buying the best BDSM sex toys and accessories:
Size: Dimensions are key, especially if you’re using a cock cage or cuffs. Consider investing in adjustable cuffs, or made from a flexible material, and with accessories like cages, measure your genitals accordingly.
Comfort: While BDSM is about discomfort to some extent, punishment should still be delivered with comfortable items made with high-quality materials.
Durability: Durable materials are important because you might be doing some pretty intense activities during your play session, and sturdy equipment will be key to safely getting through them.
How to Start Your BDSM Journey
There are many different ways to explore the exciting world of BDSM. A popular way to start is sensory deprivation. This can be a blindfold that removes sight, a gag that silences, or cuffs that remove your range of motion. Removing one sense can enhance the others.
In terms of bringing it up with a partner, Rowntree reminds us, “If you’re trying to gauge your partner’s level of interest, go ahead and ask if there is anything kinky they are interested in trying. And when you ask, you need to be open-minded and non-judgmental; nothing shuts down a person faster than feeling judged or shamed.”
While you can definitely start exploring BDSM on porn sites such as sssh.com, Consider taking kink classes or connecting with your local BDSM community. It takes an extreme level of honesty and communication, which can take hard work both in and out of the bedroom.
To learn more, we recommend checking out more educational resources. You can also read books like BDSM 101, which can be a great resource for curious beginners. Think of BDSM 101 as an instruction manual of sorts, with practical tips for newbies looking to safely explore bondage, domination and submission.
BDSM 101, by Rev. Jen
About BDSM Aftercare
Along with communicating well during your fetish sesh, BDSM aftercare best practices are also important, as noted by Lovense.com. Aftercare refers to the relaxation and rest that follow a play session. That might mean cuddles, taking a bath together, treating injuries from the session with ointment or ice, staying hydrated, or eating your favorite foods. You and your partner can play with customizing aftercare based on the BDSM games you like to engage in — practice makes perfect.